Christmas Means So Much More

Tonight I was playing a card game Michigan Rummy with our family friends. I took a Xanax to try to last a little longer to be able to get through a card game. It didn’t work the way I planned.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to just sit up for any amount of time when you have CFS/ME. I feel like people really take for granted something as easy as sitting up at a table. We played a card game and toward the middle of the game I started getting sick and it just got worse and worse and sicker and sicker. My heart starts to beat really fast, I get lightheaded, nauseous, and dizzy. It becomes hard to breathe.

Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I am sitting in my recliner listening to Christmas music, snuggled in a blanky, letting my heart beat get back to normalacy. I love Christmas. I love celebrating the birth of Jesus. My Christmas used to be full of people, celebrations, makeup, and church. We would practice for weeks and weeks to plan the youth stuff with the students. I would volunteer to help at the Christmas service. Help out with the youth at each and every service. I loved preparing and looking forward to it all. I would go to service in the morning with my family then go and help out with the students and enjoy celebrating the birth of Jesus.

Today my Christmas will look different since I stuffer from many chronic illnesses, I can’t do what I would like to do this Christmas. I would like to go to church because after all Jesus’s birth is WHY we celebrate Christmas. I want to be with the students teaching them why Jesus came into this world for us. I want to come home and have people over and actually have energy to entertain them. I want to play with the kids on the floor and dance with them. I want to help my mom clean and make appetizers and yummy food. I want to just make everything easier for my mom and dad. They already do so much for me.

But that’s not how this year with go. I wish it was different I DO NOT want to be sick, but unfortunately because I am there is a way different way to look at it all. I may not be able to go to church but I can praise God through my daily devotions and prayer time. I can thank the Lord for coming into this world as a weak baby and growing into the man that died on the cross for our sins. I can do cute and fun makeup which makes me happy. I can SMILE through it all cause there is a greater joy in my heart even with all my terrible circumstances. I can help my mom and dad slowly and chose the way I help wisely. I can sit on my walker for a short time and help break up the cake for the cake pops or even sit in my chair and help make different foods. I can greet people and make them feel loved and welcomed. I can walk outside with my walker and use my walker when I play bean bag toss. I can take a cute picture and post it on Instagram later just cause I like taking cute pictures. I can spend time with my lovely little puppy. I can sit in my chair when kids are here and spend time talking to them and their parents. I could cry about it all because I LOVE Christmas and I can’t have the wonderful amazing awesome Christmas I would love to have. But that doesn’t mean my Christmas won’t be meaningful, fun, and still very loving. I blessed to have an amazing family and family friends that support me and love me through all of it. I have been sick for 1 year and 6 months straight now and that’s been really difficult.

I ask you to do some things for me.

1. Hug your family or significant other.

2. Think about how lucky and blessed you are to just be able to walk (if you can)

3. Let God fill you with Christmas spirit, don’t argue, get upset with anyone, and don’t forget you are loved by Our Heavenly Father.