Sometimes I want to go back to simpler days when I was young and before I was sick.

This last month has been hard. February 1st I got a nasty cold. Had to deal with that on top of my usually symptoms including pain from my period. May be tmi, but it’s the truth. Then March 3rd, I got sick again the flu this time with a fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, etc. There were moments yesterday when my fever wasn’t breaking and I really didn’t want to go to the ER…thank God after a nap it broke. Had another fever last night and woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.

Your brain connects these moments when something happens in your body in the past you brain says “ohhh remember Teresa that really scary time…it’s happening again…)

BUT ITS NOT TRUE.

I had this moment yesterday when I was delirious from being up the night before for two long due to pills that were supposed to help me feel better and sleep kept me awake for 6 hours…fun??!

I’m a cancer survivor of subcutaneous T-Cell lymphoma when I was 15. It’s been almost 15 years but my body still isn’t back to a normal functioning level it sucks.

Anyway…my fever was staying 101* which made me miserable. But I kept thinking this isn’t how it was before is it!?? I had to physically throw my body out of that mindset. No it’s not before when you had lymphoma you just had fevers and lumps you didn’t have all the other flu symptoms.

Days can be really hard being chronically ill. There’s so many unknowns and now all the worry of getting sick and dealing with just more and more symptoms or having it set me back.

Just because I have all these symptoms doesn’t mean you HAVE to live in the darkness. I’m slowly working on my body, my mind, and my soul to hopefully come out of this one day.

Idk I just felt like writing today.

Love, T