I’m tired.
Lately I’ve been in a flare. I may know what triggered the flare. Enjoying scary movies with my husband on days leading up to Halloween and night of Halloween. Or possibly the birthday week of celebrating my birthday. But I did decide to do less and use the wheelchair when needed.
But do I deserve to be this bad right now? NO! It’s really hard when I’m constantly trying to find things that will help. Whether it’s a new supplement, a new exercise, or something for my mind. It just doesn’t work. I keep thinking if I can get back to even where I was 2 months ago that would be so nice. I was still struggling with some things, and needed rest days. But I could do a lot more and then crash, but I had fun.
The other day I went out of the house after getting ready for makeup, dressed, and I wore binder. My abdominal binder is a compression garment that I Velcro close around my abdomen. It’s helped a lot! I can finally go back to church and use it and sit in the chairs.
But this one day I wore it went to my parents house for lunch with my family. And has I was sitting there I just started to get sicker and sicker as if I wasn’t wearing the binder. So I thought what usually helps well alcohol actually helps me stay upright and can have energy to do fun things. So I had someone grab me a high noon. A few sips just hoping wishing it would work. And it didn’t. I had to cut the time short and go home good thing I live a few doors down from my parents though.
I was racking my brain…why isn’t this working? What’s going on? I prayed. I cried. I felt despair.
That was a week ago. It’s a flare for sure but new symptoms too.
I just gotta keep praying. Asking for peace. Assurance. Happy moments. I need to give it to God. I need to leave it all at the foot of the cross.
Love, T
🎶Sinking Deep – Hillsong United
Teresa Love 