Author: Teresa Love
27• CREATIVE LIFESTYLE YOUTUBER • Blogger • California • Life • Books • God • My Motto: "Be Yourself. Let people see the Real, Imperfect, Flawed, Quirky, Weird, Beautiful and Magical person that you are." - Mandy Hale
Fun = pain?
What’s the point of doing fun stuff if you’re just gonna suffer the next day.
I did everything correctly, I went to church, which is good for my soul. Maybe church was too much cause I already wasn’t feeling that good after getting ready. But then my father-in-law is preaching so I want to support him. It’s so crazy how what’s good for a healthy person is not necessarily good for a chronic illness person. Like healthy person support a family member and church is good. Unhealthy person use energy for the morning at church becomes too much for the event you’re doing later.
My birthday is tomorrow. Why do I have to be flaring and dealing with October slide right now…It’s just so unbelievably annoying. I just wanted to have a fun time with family and lunch and then go to two stores which I did the best decision. I brought my wheelchair and used it so that I could save energy and not walk. But apparently that’s not the decision that’s gonna make me feel good the next day should I’ve just had lunch and then head home. Yes, that probably would’ve been smarter but I just wanna be a normal person and be able to go shopping when I want to. It was so fun! I felt so cute!
I wasn’t wearing my red glasses, which helped me with stimulation and vestibular migraine stuff. So maybe I needed to wear those when I was shopping plus I didn’t even take the pills. I need to take them during lunch. And then getting home and doing a shopping haul try on…maybe wasn’t the best decision including spinning in my pretty dress!!
I was just in the moment and I forgot about those looking back. Maybe some things sort of would have helped but we can’t look backwards. We have to look forwards.
But now my birthday is tomorrow and I have no idea if I’m gonna have the energy to do anything. Due to today being stuck in bed with a migraine and heart issues.
I know I’m gonna look back on those pictures and see the few things I bought and be happy and excited for what the day was. I’m just really praying that I’ll be healthy tomorrow for my birthday October 21st. If not, we might just have to do something chill.
I was about to go out to lunch in a downtown area. The plan was to meet up with my sister and kids, and my aunt, and my mom. Which we did! But I had the wheelchair cause my energy was depleted…then the ground was cobblestones which does not do well when you’re in a wheelchair. I still had a great time living on Dr.Pepper, mimosa, and prayer.
Now it’s been a few weeks and the last week of the flare of my conditions have been much worse.
Love, T
I’d be UNSTOPPABLE if I was healthy
Today, both my parents came down with the flu, and my husband has a really bad cold. Since I’m on antivirals, I seem to have gotten a little bit of the cold, just runny nose and slight cough.
But for some reason, I have an EXTREME amount of energy right now. I didn’t wanna just sit around today since I was gonna be alone. So I put on an audiobook on Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yaros and decided to clean up clutter, dust surfaces, and blinds. I like to keep our space clean, specially, for the healthy mindset that it gives me.
After I did that I ate lunch and then I decided to re-organize my books in our space. I re-organize them to rainbow shelves and dusted it all.
I took Bookstagram pics and put those away.
The amount of energy that it takes me to do one task let alone I did four is insane.
For some reason when I have a little cold have so much energy. This makes me happy, but it’s also bittersweet because I know as soon as I start to feel better the chronic fatigue and stuff chimes in.
I had a glimpse today of Teresa healthy. Having the energy I would need throughout the day having the want in ambition and ability to do things feeling productive and what I did and accomplished on how much I did.
I would be unstoppable if I wasn’t sick. I could do anything I wanted I could go anywhere I wanted I could fly again I go to concerts or events or just go to church easier.
It’s really hard sitting in this moment of having energy and seeing how life could be.
We are working very hard trying to just find something that can help me. Maybe ChatGPT has an answer. Keep praying and hoping I just wanna be healthy again. Maybe one day I will be!
Unstoppable
Song by Sia
“All smiles, I know what it takes to fool this town
I’ll do it ’til the sun goes down
And all through the nighttime
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah, I’ll tell you what you wanna hear
Leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear
It’s never the right time
Yeah, yeah
I put my armor on, show you how strong I am
I put my armor on, I’ll show you that I am
I’m unstoppable
I’m a Porsche with no brakes
I’m invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I’m so powerful
I don’t need batteries to play
I’m so confident
Yeah, I’m unstoppable today.”
Just some thoughts.
Love, T
Hard Day
I’ve been having so much swelling lately, every day it’s worse and worse. We don’t know what to do…
My legs are ridiculous…so heavy and nothing fits.
The swelling is possibly due my lymphatic system not draining. Since even having my legs elevated the swelling doesn’t go down.
Okay seriously 😒 it’s already that I’m chronically ill, ya I get that I understand how I can still find joy in little things in life. But lately it’s been so extremely HARD to do much of anything. I’m so exhausted every day. I have burning hands and feet in the mornings sometimes.
Plus in 1 year I’ve gained 50 pounds due to this swelling. My Parin Technique doctor said “anymore swelling and it will be more and more taxing on my body.” Which is terrifying!!
Ohh also now I have Mast Cell Activation
Mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) is a condition that causes intense episodes of swelling, shortness of breath, hives, diarrhea, vomiting and other symptoms. In severe cases, it may lead to life-threatening anaphylaxis. It’s caused by mast cells (mistakenly) alerting your immune system that there’s something harmful in your body.
Add that fun new diagnosis and we have a big bowl of not good things. anything can trigger that so add some anxiety why don’t we.
Today was a hard day I was scheduled for a Lymphoscintigraphy
Lymphoscintigraphy is a nuclear medicine imaging procedure that helps visualize and assess the lymphatic system. It uses a small amount of radioactive material (tracer) to highlight the lymph nodes and lymphatic vessels.
We went to UCSF for this test in the morning. I thought it was going to get all done today but I guess that wasn’t the plan.
First, I’m extremely happy my mom got to go in and stay with me the whole time.
Step 1: they didn’t know I needed to lay down (even though I told them) so after 40 mins all together, I started to get POTS sick…dizzy, heart palpitations, nausea.
Step 2: they found a gurney for me!!!!
Step 3: rolled me into a room, had another guy come in to hold me down while they injected me with isotopes radioactive material. It was a HUGE poke and then it BURNED soooo incredibly BAD. I swore, then sorry and cried a lot.
If you didn’t think it was that bad they injected me in between the webs of my fingers, and it burned for minutes after.
Oh also 2 in each hand separately…so I knew the pain was coming then and I still was in so much pain, it makes your body shake.
Step 4: I had to be in the hallway at least my mom was there. I dozed in and out since I was so overwhelmed with the pain before.
Step 5: FINALLY the scan. Which umm they make this huge machine come to your face almost smashing your nose so then I get claustrophobic…but couldn’t move.
20 minutes and 40 second scan
3 minutes and 30 second scan
Finally done! Oh and TMI I peed like bio hazard green after don’t worry I don’t have a pic. lol
Keep praying for good results please!!!
Ohhh that was only the upper part of the body might have to do lower part that would be something I’m not looking forward to especially since I have neuropathy in my feet.
Love, T
Sometimes the simplest things can be the hardest
Rencently my husband and I were invited to our church’s hangout group, a group of 22 -32 year old individuals who just want come community.
Since we were invited by my friend I knew I thought this would be the perfect time to go since I knew she’d be there.
I was really nervous…it’s called young professionals group so I thought the first thing that people would ask is what do you do for work?
I hate that question. In my mind it’s either “nothing” well why is it nothing I’m actually chronically ill. Then that just opens a huge can of worms that I don’t want to get into.
So the day the hangout came, we had a very busy morning and middle of the day. I really wanted to bail but then my friend texted saying she made sure there was safe gluten free items for us to eat. And after that text we had to go!
In the car I was nervous kept thinking how it will go, if I’ll feel sick, how the conversations will be. We walked up to the door and walked into the backyard. Saw people. And sat down in a nice comfy backyard couch.
I’m so happy my husband was there because we started talking to a really nice girl. Me and her clicked right away, but when she asked what we do for work, my husband jumped in saying his job and then saying “well my wife makes her own press on nails, and she does some ad work on the side, plus her Etsy shop.”
It felt GOOD. To be supported and not alone. He made me feel like I actually had accomplished something with the work I’ve been doing.
The hangout went great! I made a new friend! And we are planning to go every time!
Love, T
Teresa Love 
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