Category: Health Journey

Rencently my husband and I were invited to our church’s hangout group, a group of 22 -32 year old individuals who just want come community.

Since we were invited by my friend I knew I thought this would be the perfect time to go since I knew she’d be there.

I was really nervous…it’s called young professionals group so I thought the first thing that people would ask is what do you do for work?

I hate that question. In my mind it’s either “nothing” well why is it nothing I’m actually chronically ill. Then that just opens a huge can of worms that I don’t want to get into.

So the day the hangout came, we had a very busy morning and middle of the day. I really wanted to bail but then my friend texted saying she made sure there was safe gluten free items for us to eat. And after that text we had to go!

In the car I was nervous kept thinking how it will go, if I’ll feel sick, how the conversations will be. We walked up to the door and walked into the backyard. Saw people. And sat down in a nice comfy backyard couch.

I’m so happy my husband was there because we started talking to a really nice girl. Me and her clicked right away, but when she asked what we do for work, my husband jumped in saying his job and then saying “well my wife makes her own press on nails, and she does some ad work on the side, plus her Etsy shop.”

It felt GOOD. To be supported and not alone. He made me feel like I actually had accomplished something with the work I’ve been doing.

The hangout went great! I made a new friend! And we are planning to go every time!

Love, T

It really is a weird feeling never knowing when or for how long you will feel sick “be in an episode.” It makes you want to run and do anything you want when you feel healthy. Thursday night August 1st, I wasn’t feeling good all day but then that evening started feeling more nauseous. Next when I got up to go to bed, I stood up and couldn’t walk. I needed help. My husband had to really help me even walk a step.

It’s always so scary when I get into these episodes. When will it end? How bad will it be? What was the trigger? I always have so many questions stuck in my head.

I think I know the trigger, I started a new mold protocol for the myotoxins in my body per docs orders. And it’s been really kicking my butt!! So possibly it’s that.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it? Is this something I can control? Can I just freeze and rest until next time I feel better? Or is it all just confusing, upsetting, and how it might need to be for now.

Sometimes when I’m in an episode I feel better laying down other times I feel worse moving at all or not moving. It’s quite a HARD thing to understand. This time if I’m up at all, sitting up or especially standing I get super light headed, nauseous, and vertigo.

I know I know I need to find things to do while resting. I need to find joy and happiness even when I’m feeling so sick. But it’s HARD!!!

I REALLY wanted to go to this library sale today…but my body wouldn’t let me. Even with a walker or wheelchair I wouldn’t feel better right now.

Productive:

Today I edited a short video.

Worked in a Bible word search.

Watched Dead Pool 2 with my husband.

We got fresh air for a few mins.

It may be small but I’m proud of it.

Maybe I’ll write each day or every few days just to ease my mind.

I know God has me in His arms.

Love, T

I’m sitting here on my parents porch. It’s about 7pm in the evening we are here for the weekend to watch the dogs.

It’s weird how something can change at an instant. One second I’m feeling stressed and anxiety the next second I feel calm as a sea cucumber.

God brings people into your life and takes them out. He plans everything and we are here for the ride.

Today was a relaxing day. I packed to come over here. Then just been enjoying reading my book outside.

I’m watching the two adorable pups my parents have Bella (10 lbs) and Daisy (6 lbs).

I’ve had people ask me what I’m doing with my time I have. It’s kinda a loaded question. I mean do I explain that MOST of the time I spend is trying to calm down my symptoms. I can have so many random symptoms at any given time…it can be exhausting.

So when I focus on the good. The beautiful day. The sun. The pups. My really good book. My husband working for us. My family and extended family willing to help. And my friends I have it pretty damn good.

Try to find the good in the moments. Try to find the joy. The reason you get up in the mornings. Let yourself have peace.

Anyway that’s all for now.

Love, T

Since being on my recovery journey (from CFS/me & POTS) I’ve had a lot of emotions. In fact it’s been emotional rollercoaster with lots and LOTS of highs. Starting to feel better. Feeling more and more like my happy self. Finding the love of my life. Getting engaged and then married. Everything was so beautiful, exciting, and fun. There’s been some emotional situations that we had to figure out wether it was how will we start our life living together when married with me being so sick still. Or situations with his work and trying to navigate all of that.

My therapist said when there is a lot of highs and then emotional situations when everything slows down you can start to feel more emotional and your depression can even seep in.

I want to be this strong wife who knows what she’s doing and has everything together. That’s not me. I’m emotional as I’ve said. I’m sensitive. I’m unique and do things my own way. I’m trying and that’s all anyone asks of me. My husband is so unbelievably understanding but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t see how much I feel that I’ve failed and that I can’t do.

The other day after having a pretty bad day physically I really needed to shower. After him helping me but then trying to do the rest myself I ended up almost passing out as I was getting out of the shower. It scared him, rightfully so.

It’s just so confusing sometimes it’s I can do everything and I run around doing so much!! But then others times I can barely keep my eyes open and need a nap each day. Which is really confusing to Ricky. I mean he’s being so sweet and compassionate to the situations but I’m sure it’s stressful for him too.

So the other day my therapist recommended to start writing on my blog again. She said try 2 times a month.

Some other goals we created were: driving more, film, edit, and post a YouTube video 1x a week.

I have some other goals maybe I’ll make a whole post on it.

Love,

TCR