Sometimes I want to go back to simpler days when I was young and before I was sick.

This last month has been hard. February 1st I got a nasty cold. Had to deal with that on top of my usually symptoms including pain from my period. May be tmi, but it’s the truth. Then March 3rd, I got sick again the flu this time with a fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, etc. There were moments yesterday when my fever wasn’t breaking and I really didn’t want to go to the ER…thank God after a nap it broke. Had another fever last night and woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.

Your brain connects these moments when something happens in your body in the past you brain says “ohhh remember Teresa that really scary time…it’s happening again…)

BUT ITS NOT TRUE.

I had this moment yesterday when I was delirious from being up the night before for two long due to pills that were supposed to help me feel better and sleep kept me awake for 6 hours…fun??!

I’m a cancer survivor of subcutaneous T-Cell lymphoma when I was 15. It’s been almost 15 years but my body still isn’t back to a normal functioning level it sucks.

Anyway…my fever was staying 101* which made me miserable. But I kept thinking this isn’t how it was before is it!?? I had to physically throw my body out of that mindset. No it’s not before when you had lymphoma you just had fevers and lumps you didn’t have all the other flu symptoms.

Days can be really hard being chronically ill. There’s so many unknowns and now all the worry of getting sick and dealing with just more and more symptoms or having it set me back.

Just because I have all these symptoms doesn’t mean you HAVE to live in the darkness. I’m slowly working on my body, my mind, and my soul to hopefully come out of this one day.

Idk I just felt like writing today.

Love, T

Being chronically ill (CFS/ME & POTS) my health goes up and down I can’t even tell you the amount of times I get vertigo or other symptoms in a day.

I’ve started selling a few things on sites like Postmark. But something I’ve always wanted to get into in graphic design. I make things all the time for my YouTube channel or my Bookstagram. Canva is a site I use to make those items. I have a very creative mind and selling some templates on canvas would be fun and help us out too. I like to be able to contribute.

Anyway here are some templates I’ve made:

Thank you for considering me!

Teresa

I am writing this for more people to truly understand what it feels like to be chronically ill. Knowing about chronic illnesses and actually experiencing it is a whole different level of pain. It’s therapeutic for me to write about too.

Last week I wasn’t doing great lots of tiredness, vertigo, and over all just yucky. No other symptoms of Covid so wasn’t worried about that. September 15th planned to hangout with me two friends in the evening to play games. We hung out for 4 hour sitting at the table, I started feeling sicky probably 2 hours into the hangout. But I was loving the game! So I didn’t want to stop.

Was that my mistake? Should I have changed the hangout to just chatting in the couch? But I needed this conversation and real girl time more than you can imagine. I noticed during the game I started to get really really confused. It was a new game I was leaning but I felt like my mind was moving so slow.

My friend needed to leave by 10pm, so I texted my husband to come pick me up by then. We all moved from the table to the couch although I was just reclining which I thought would be good enough.

I guess it wasn’t. When my husband came and we got in the car to drive home I started getting really car sick, REALLY BAD vertigo in the car. I felt like he was driving sooo fast and I kept on losing my breath. I was trying not to freak him out since he was driving but he knew once I got quieter and quieter. When we got to our house I asked to stay in the car for a few mins to have it subside. But it didn’t. We got out and tried to make our way into the house. I tripped over my feet some due to the dizziness.

Once we got inside Ricky was trying to convince me to go upstairs but I couldn’t even take 5 more steps let alone 10 up stairs, I kept seeing myself laying on the stairs. He understood realizing how bad it was and I laid down in the front room flat during this time my heart was racing and pouring hard, shortness of breath, and since I felt like passing out a few seconds before getting over that too.

This is SCARY. It isn’t simple. There’s so many old trigger’s happening when I feel like this like “will I be down again for months, years?” “What is going on and how can I fix it?” “Is there a way to keep this from getting worse?” I know the not getting movement isn’t good. But I can’t control that right now. Possibly long haul Covid which I think is dumb how can you have POTS and that.

Anyways just a little update. I’m really praying and hoping I bounce out of this soon. For no staying laying down as much as I can do. Trying to find things to do laying down and that I enjoy.

Love, T