I’m sitting here on my parents porch. It’s about 7pm in the evening we are here for the weekend to watch the dogs.
It’s weird how something can change at an instant. One second I’m feeling stressed and anxiety the next second I feel calm as a sea cucumber.
God brings people into your life and takes them out. He plans everything and we are here for the ride.
Today was a relaxing day. I packed to come over here. Then just been enjoying reading my book outside.
I’m watching the two adorable pups my parents have Bella (10 lbs) and Daisy (6 lbs).
Daisy Bella
I’ve had people ask me what I’m doing with my time I have. It’s kinda a loaded question. I mean do I explain that MOST of the time I spend is trying to calm down my symptoms. I can have so many random symptoms at any given time…it can be exhausting.
So when I focus on the good. The beautiful day. The sun. The pups. My really good book. My husband working for us. My family and extended family willing to help. And my friends I have it pretty damn good.
Try to find the good in the moments. Try to find the joy. The reason you get up in the mornings. Let yourself have peace.
Since being on my recovery journey (from CFS/me & POTS) I’ve had a lot of emotions. In fact it’s been emotional rollercoaster with lots and LOTS of highs. Starting to feel better. Feeling more and more like my happy self. Finding the love of my life. Getting engaged and then married. Everything was so beautiful, exciting, and fun. There’s been some emotional situations that we had to figure out wether it was how will we start our life living together when married with me being so sick still. Or situations with his work and trying to navigate all of that.
My therapist said when there is a lot of highs and then emotional situations when everything slows down you can start to feel more emotional and your depression can even seep in.
I want to be this strong wife who knows what she’s doing and has everything together. That’s not me. I’m emotional as I’ve said. I’m sensitive. I’m unique and do things my own way. I’m trying and that’s all anyone asks of me. My husband is so unbelievably understanding but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t see how much I feel that I’ve failed and that I can’t do.
The other day after having a pretty bad day physically I really needed to shower. After him helping me but then trying to do the rest myself I ended up almost passing out as I was getting out of the shower. It scared him, rightfully so.
It’s just so confusing sometimes it’s I can do everything and I run around doing so much!! But then others times I can barely keep my eyes open and need a nap each day. Which is really confusing to Ricky. I mean he’s being so sweet and compassionate to the situations but I’m sure it’s stressful for him too.
So the other day my therapist recommended to start writing on my blog again. She said try 2 times a month.
Some other goals we created were: driving more, film, edit, and post a YouTube video 1x a week.
I have some other goals maybe I’ll make a whole post on it.
I’m overwhelmed at the oddest times. Taking a shower by myself without a shower chair is absolutely amazing to me. The fact that I can ENJOY a shower and not suffer barely making it through is really an overwhelming feeling.
People who aren’t sick really take the walking and the showering and doing things independently for granted. I’ve been doing it for a while now but just getting out of the shower and not feeling like I’m going to pass out is just amazing.
God is good! 43 days til the wedding!!!
Today my mom, I, and our two friends went to the apartments we might be able to rent. To pray about the situation just ask for God’s hand and control in it all. I’m not in control we know that He is ultimately in control. To have an apartment our own space with my husband would be absolutely wonderful. And to have it close to my parents house would be a blessing since I still need help physically when I feel sick.
Please pray for our strength, my energy, and the apartment for us. If it’s not in God’s pray the other living arrangements will work well.
Life has been a whirlwind lately. As my boyfriend Rick and I have been getting to know each other and learning everything about each other. We discovered that even at a early time of dating we loved each other. And now fast forward 9 months! We are planning to find a place to live and get married.
This is not a love letter to my boyfriend. It’s a “wow I can’t believe this is my life right now!?”
7 years of being sick 4 of them being close to housebound and now I am in the process of finding a place to live away from my parents, I have a boyfriend who truly cares about me, and we are planning a wedding in the future. Like serious what is my life!?
Story time: months and months ago Ricky and I put our name on a waiting list for these apartments that weren’t even built yet. The wonderful this is they are literally 1 minute from my house now. This means with my health my mom can help me anytime I need, if he’s not home and I’m having a bad health day or symptom. We really wanted to stay in our same town as close as we could to my parents. Then on Thursday July 30th they contacted us. Asking if we wanted to come in for a tour? Of course we said “yes!” Scheduled it for July 10th which was in 2 Saturdays. I understood I needed to wait but I was starting to worry a little. Then Saturday morning they texted and said “you can come at 11:30am for a tour.” Of course we said “yes!”
We went for the tour. At first it seemed odd cause it was still a construction site and we knocked and no one answered. It was daylight so we weren’t worried and I have my big tough guy with me. Lol
So I called the number they texted me and they said “oh awesome, we are here we will walk down from the model home section.” We met 2 really nice ladies. They right away showed us the clubhouse which had a heated pool, pool table, high ceilings, tables and high seats, etc. it looked awesome!
Then they took us in the golf cart to the one apartment that is actually finished. It was absolutely beautiful. Loved everything. It didn’t feel too small which can be a big problem for me cause I get claustrophobic. I could totally picture us living there. There was a nice kitchen with all appliances. There was windows that brought in a lot of light. And a walk in closet which could be a nice way to hide some stuff (makeup drawers, book cart, bathroom cart, clothes, etc) and a bath/shower in the bathroom nothing was too short which can be a problem with our tall heights. Is was gorgeous and very home like.
There’s a little more process to do but we are looking at our expenses and planning to jump on the application when we get all our ducks in a row and they contact us again.
Then we decided to go look at rings. I knew I wanted to look and he didn’t know even my size so we went on a little trip to go ring shopping. First we went to the place he got my necklace which was for Valentine’s Day ended up finding the ABSOLUTE perfect dream ring there it’s unique just like I am as he said. So now we are starting the process to plan the wedding because the ring will take 2-4 weeks for it to come in since it’s custom. Exciting!!!!!!
Im just really happy, excited, joyful, and content. I still have my ups and downs with my health. Even a newish thing if I think too much or do too much for too long then I get a pretty bad migraine (so that’s fun…not)
But seriously I am feeling so blessed!!
For now. Please pray and send us good thoughts. We need to stay calm, relaxed, and excited. When God opens door we chose to walk through.
After 7 years of dealing with my chronic fatigue off and on and then 4 years straight of it 24/7. I was finally able to do something I’ve wanted to do for so long.
My mom and I decided to just plan a trip to go visit our family friends in Spokane Washington. we had to fly since it would be an easier trip than driving.
There was definitely some fear and anxiety surrounding it 1) going to airport 2) going through TSA and 3) being on an airplane again. All the unknowns are the ones that tend to trigger my anxiety. Will I be okay in the drive there? Will I get sick while going through security like before? Will I not be able to sit up during the flight?
I’m HAPPY to say “I made it through it all.”
My wonderful boyfriend drove us to the airport which really helped my anxiety cause he distracted me on the way there talking and listening to music.
Then we were all loaded up wearing my backpack and my mom and I walked into the airport.
As we got closer and close to the security line I was getting nervous. But I kept saying “it’s okay, you’ve done it so many time before.” Trying to reassure myself. I read all the signs to make sure I didn’t have anything I wasn’t allowed.
I showed my Real ID (glad I had that!) and moved toward the security. This part kinda went into sonic speed, because next I walked up to the buckets put bag and shoes in it took our iPad and put it in the tote. There was a couple in front of us who didn’t seem to know what they were doing cause they were going too slow. But my heart rate stayed calm. Then I walked through the big machine stood there for 5 seconds with arms up, which I would have never been able to go before.
As I stepped out they stopped me and a lady with gloves started to pat down my chest and asked “is there anything in there?” And I said “just my boobs and bra.” We had a good laugh 😂 I got stopped before I have the pole in my back so the machine must have notified them. Then continued walking out everything back on and picked up everything and moved forward.
You have no idea how AMAZING it feels to 1) walk through security on your own 2) feel confident and “normal.” And 3) not feel like you were going to cause a scene or pass out.
This was definitely a really awesome milestone today! Did I still get sick on the airplane yes it was like car sick feeling. But we walked around before the flight and I was able to function walk to the bathroom alone.
I still don’t know how long this energy will last, but for now I am thankful and really enjoying the ride.
Teresa Love 
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