Health Journey

Can You Trust?

Teresa Love

I came across a post on Instagram of a fellow Spoonie today. She was showing her painting that she has been working on, it made me smile.

When I was first diagnosed with CFS/ME the doctor told me that it happens to woman between the age of 20 and 30, perfectionists, driven, and creative.

Well that’s me…

When I first heard that it honestly freaked me out like “should I have not pushed myself so hard?” “Could I have changed my path?” “And why did this happen to me?”

Growing up we are told to “do our best, try hardest, and never settle for mediocrity.” I always heard these phrases growing up and thought “yes I can do this, I may not be the smartest in school but I will always work my butt off “Could this be why I am sick?” All this pushing and striving for perfection?”

These thoughts go through my mind more often than not I would haven to admit. But I need to remember is they are just thoughts and it only matters what I do NEXT. Do I let these thoughts control my mind and body and let it control how I feel emotionally?

I don’t believe any of this! I know there is a big, huge, unbelievable plan for me. God is always here. Even in my darkest moments God is there hugging me.

In the world we always want to find the reason WHY. Why did your friend get sick? Where does cancer come from? Why does this happen to people? What will happen after we die, like I know Heaven but what Is it really like? Why is there violence and hate in this world? The truth is the ONLY one who know is God. He knows every single plan, moment, and person.

All we can do is trust in the Lord with all of our hearts. And I know that’s is to say and hard to do but I have learned through thick and thin, through negative and positive moments, through losing friends and making new ones God is ALWAYS there. And we need to trust in HIM wholeheartedly. Not for just this second, but every single second after that and with EVERYTHING.

So I ask you? Can you trust God wholeheartedly?

Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger

Christmas Means So Much More

Teresa Love

Tonight I was playing a card game Michigan Rummy with our family friends. I took a Xanax to try to last a little longer to be able to get through a card game. It didn’t work the way I planned.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to just sit up for any amount of time when you have CFS/ME. I feel like people really take for granted something as easy as sitting up at a table. We played a card game and toward the middle of the game I started getting sick and it just got worse and worse and sicker and sicker. My heart starts to beat really fast, I get lightheaded, nauseous, and dizzy. It becomes hard to breathe.

Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I am sitting in my recliner listening to Christmas music, snuggled in a blanky, letting my heart beat get back to normalacy. I love Christmas. I love celebrating the birth of Jesus. My Christmas used to be full of people, celebrations, makeup, and church. We would practice for weeks and weeks to plan the youth stuff with the students. I would volunteer to help at the Christmas service. Help out with the youth at each and every service. I loved preparing and looking forward to it all. I would go to service in the morning with my family then go and help out with the students and enjoy celebrating the birth of Jesus.

Today my Christmas will look different since I stuffer from many chronic illnesses, I can’t do what I would like to do this Christmas. I would like to go to church because after all Jesus’s birth is WHY we celebrate Christmas. I want to be with the students teaching them why Jesus came into this world for us. I want to come home and have people over and actually have energy to entertain them. I want to play with the kids on the floor and dance with them. I want to help my mom clean and make appetizers and yummy food. I want to just make everything easier for my mom and dad. They already do so much for me.

But that’s not how this year with go. I wish it was different I DO NOT want to be sick, but unfortunately because I am there is a way different way to look at it all. I may not be able to go to church but I can praise God through my daily devotions and prayer time. I can thank the Lord for coming into this world as a weak baby and growing into the man that died on the cross for our sins. I can do cute and fun makeup which makes me happy. I can SMILE through it all cause there is a greater joy in my heart even with all my terrible circumstances. I can help my mom and dad slowly and chose the way I help wisely. I can sit on my walker for a short time and help break up the cake for the cake pops or even sit in my chair and help make different foods. I can greet people and make them feel loved and welcomed. I can walk outside with my walker and use my walker when I play bean bag toss. I can take a cute picture and post it on Instagram later just cause I like taking cute pictures. I can spend time with my lovely little puppy. I can sit in my chair when kids are here and spend time talking to them and their parents. I could cry about it all because I LOVE Christmas and I can’t have the wonderful amazing awesome Christmas I would love to have. But that doesn’t mean my Christmas won’t be meaningful, fun, and still very loving. I blessed to have an amazing family and family friends that support me and love me through all of it. I have been sick for 1 year and 6 months straight now and that’s been really difficult.

I ask you to do some things for me.

1. Hug your family or significant other.

2. Think about how lucky and blessed you are to just be able to walk (if you can)

3. Let God fill you with Christmas spirit, don’t argue, get upset with anyone, and don’t forget you are loved by Our Heavenly Father.

christian

My Faith Binder

Teresa Love

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On Pinterest I have seen a lot of versions of the Prayer Binder or War Binder or what I want to call it a Faith Binder.

My Faith binder is this journal that lets me feel organized while growing closer to God. When we go through life and feel lost dealing with everything, for me to be anchored in Christ makes a huge difference. To have that constant relationship going with God through prayer, reading His word, and allowing God to take control. This gives me a peace beyond understanding or circumstance. I wanted to have something that was all in one place my notes, my gratitude, prayers, requests, verses, and goals. And it’s super easy to make!

Binder – 4 x 7 inches

Inserts- Cardstock paper cut to size and 6 whole punched.

Dividers – Blessings, Verses, Notes, Prayers, requests, and Goals. You could also base it more on prayer have dividers for spouse, kids, parents, church, etc…

Pens – gel pens, sharpie fine tip, paper mate colored pens.

Step 1: buy binder take out any paper you don’t need.

Step 2: find cardstock you want to use print or solid.

Step 3: cut card stock into 4×7 or less and punch wholes using 6 whole punch.

Step 4: according to color choose dividers and names.

Step 5: place dividers in Binder with paper.

DONE!

I used colored paper “gives it a little something don’t you think?” – legally blonde

Good to know

Stop and Believe

Teresa Love

I sit here scrolling through Instagram and I see so many people “living their best life.” They are going on vacations, visiting friends and family, posing in front of cute walls, dancing, and just enjoying their lives.

Instagram is supposed to be a positive thing in society, by definition it’s a social networking service for taking, changing, sharing photographs and videos.

It was so cool when it first came out and I was so exciting to start using it! But how many girls are out there scrolling through pictures and wishing and seeing all the things they will never have, be able to do, or look like. On average we send one hour on Instagram each day, so much that now they have started tracking our time on it.

When you are constantly flooded with “perfect” images especially for girls it really makes us compare ourselves. And some verified users with the little blue check like celebrities, big influencers, and singers are meant to look “perfect.” The whole my Instagram colors need to match and my aesthetic needs to be on point. Those people work so hard on just that part of your business with the Instagram pictures and I am sure that some even hire someone for exactly that reason.

This is why we need to STOP COMPARING ourselves. We can’t all be that stick figure model. We can’t all have tons and tons of followers. But what we can be is our own selves. YOU are AMAZING! Just the way God made you, “you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” – Psalm 139:14

Stop thinking you need to change.

Stop thinking you aren’t right.

Stop thinking you are not pretty.

Stop focusing on looks.

Stop believing the lie you need to be perfect.

Stop fighting against your own true self.

Stop blending in.

Stop tell yourself your not worth it.

Just STOP!

And BELIEVE!

Believe you are amazing!

Believe you are talented!

Believe you are free!

Believe you are enough!

Believe in yourself!

Believe you can have confidence!

Believe you are here for a reason!

Just try to remember all of this as you scroll through Instagram, it was a good reminder for me too.

Health Journey

On June 26th A Year

Teresa Love

Today marks a year.

A year of being sick.

A year of feeling alone.

A year of people not understanding what I’m going through.

A year of willing and wishing to get better and each day it stays the same.

A year of prayer to get better and for something good to come out of it.

A year of tears and crying sessions.

A year of planning things and then having to cancel because I am still sick.

A year of having to stop going to church.

It’s been a whole year. I am not normally a person who remembers dates but I do have a few in my life that really stick out. Christmas: December 25th, My birthday: October 21st, My cancer diagnosis day: October 18th, and the day my episode started last year: June 26th.

This day, June 26th, has been on my mind for a while now. I kept putting goals in place. Last July I was thinking, “I will totally be better by my birthday in October.” Then I wasn’t. Christmas is in 2 months, “I have to be better by then.” Again it didn’t happen. These “goals” made me feel like a failure, like I couldn’t “make myself better.” Like my faith wasn’t strong enough to get me through this difficult time. “I can’t be sick for another month this is crazy,” I kept telling myself. I was almost in a dazed state of confusion that this was still happening.

Then my episode hit the 6 month mark and I was so ready for it to be over. By this time I had been away from church for 6 months, hadn’t been able to leave the house much, finished all the Netflix shows I could think of, and was just ready to “start my life again.” Start my life again? That implies that I stopped living when I got sick. I “died.”

But I DIDN’T die, I am still here. I am still breathing.

Sure, my life looks very different than it used to. But I can use my mind in anyway I want and I CHOOSE to make my own decisions. If I want to be artistic, I can. If I want to text my friends, I can. If I want to tell my mom a long, step by step story of exactly what happened in the show I am currently watching, I can. The bottom line is I can’t control what gets thrown at me but I can control the outcome. If I am too tired to do something one day then I can choose to do it  another day.

It’s all about decisions. As much as we think our days are all mapped out, I am here to say they are not. Even someone who works everyday doesn’t know if something will happen and they can’t go to work that next day. We never know.

That’s why for my life I choose to live in the PRESENT. I base my decisions on the now, and not push and hope looking at the future because in all honesty I don’t have that luxury right now.

Live in the Present.