Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger, Health Journey

Resting is Self Care

Teresa Love

Hey it’s me!

Something amazing happens!? It’s really cool. Haha that reminds me of when I used to watch The Wild Thornberries and she’d say “she could talk to animals but it’s totally secret.”

June 26th 2021 marks 4 years straight of being chronically ill. Barely leaving the house, using mobility aids whether it’s my walker or wheelchair, and watching my life fly by while I’m stuck staying reclined almost 24/7 in my chair.

I don’t even know when this started but for a few months now I started feeling better. First I could walk without my walker for like 20 mins and I was amazed. Then I felt more strength in my legs from all the movement my doctors have me doing. Then I started to be able to sit up for longer periods 10 mins to 2 hours now. Now I can walk without my walker most days and do a lot more. Now to figure out life but that will be another post. Lol

Honesty it’s so FREAKIN amazing. Like feeling better, having energy and motivation to do more is so great.

But what I forget about sometimes is I’m still sick. There’s no cure for my condition so I may get to a functioning level, but I will still need to rest. And honestly I’m okay with that. At first I was like doing all these things each day and then I’d get to day 8 and be exhausted and sad. But now I understand that I need rest days, hours, and minutes.

So when I start to feel tired or worn down I just have to remember self care is important and resting takes priority over anything else.

Love, Teresa

Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger

Numbers Don’t Matter But Do They?

Teresa Love
Rainbow bookshelves

I’m a booktuber and a Bookstagrammer. For those of you who don’t know what Booksta is it’s using Instagram for only the book community you post about books and it’s a lovely community. I’ve been able to review ARCS (advanced readers copy) of books, I’ve been able to support my friends on there, and grow my reading tastes. And Booktube is the book community on YouTube.

If you are a creator you will understand. When you create a product that you have worked so hard on you expect to get a good amount of good feedback. Well with Instagram the dumb algorithm decided to punish you for not doing reels (it’s literally copying tik tok), not liking and sharing enough photos, and hiding your pictures under the hashtags.

It’s just so frustrating. You work hard and you really enjoy for your photos. You even feel like you’re growing and changing your theme of your account is getting better. Then you get under 50 likes which with 1800 followers that’s INSANE.

Yes, it’s not all about the numbers. It’s about the community, the creative outlet, and expression. But when you see those numbers getting lower and lower and you post every single day it’s discouraging.

So here’s my shameless plug…I have a YouTube channel and a Bookstagram feel free to check them out.

Love, T

Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger

Emotions

Teresa Love

I think it’s interesting how much your emotions can change from one second to the next. At one moment you’re feeling okay and content and the next you can feel so distraught or sad and you don’t know why.

I understand it is my depression but I still feel like it’s such an abnormal feeling in my body. I’m the girl who is smiling because she’s happy. The girl who cheers other people up. But now I’m the girl whose sad. I’m the girl whose tired of feeling sick all the time. Who has all these emotions and she’s writing because she doesn’t know how to get them out.

I’ve always pulled my strength from God. I was doing a Bible study the other day with my mom and there was a part that said “ Happiness is dependent on what happens – our circumstances. Joy is far deeper and is not so dependent on our outward circumstances. It is a blessing from God. Joy is the characteristic of an encounter with Jesus.” I feel like this really speaks to how I feel. Even if I feel emotionally sad it doesn’t mean I have lost the JOY and HOPE we can find in Jesus.

Love, T

Health Journey

Up and Down and Up and Down and Up and Down

Teresa Love

There are a lot of rollercoaster emotions involved with having a chronic illness. Sometimes I feel like I am handling everything great, content and semi happy. Other times I am so distraught and unhappy about where my life is. This tends to happen when I am trying to do something as basic as getting myself a drink and I am not able to do it. I plan it all out in my head. I walk with my walker to the kitchen, then I grab my cup from the cupboard, then I walk to the fridge and get ice as I wait for the ice to come I start to feel tightness in chest and shortness of breathe. I think I can just push through it, “come on just a few more minutes…” but then I realize nope I need to go lay down. I look at my cup and all it has is ice. So I politely ask my mom to pour my drink.

That is an average day in the life of a chronically ill person. Something as basic as getting a drink can make me so upset and frustrated with myself. I have learned to not be hard on myself because honestly it doesn’t help at all. There are times when I need to just rest and being chronically ill your body never gets the rest it needs, so I never feel well rested.

I follow a few different people on Instagram who are chronically ill. I follow this one girl named chronicallyhealed and she found out how to heal herself from POTS and Lyme disease. WOW, wouldn’t that be amazing to be back to life. To go out with friends again, go on dates, go shopping, go on vacations especially Hawaii and just live my life again.

Okay, okay I know I am still technically living my life. I mean I am here so that counts right. But just as Genie says from Aladdin “but to be my own master, such a thing would be greater than all the treasures in the world..” To not let me illness control every second of my day.

I just want to wake up healthy again, this post isn’t to make anyone sad it’s to remind you that you are blessed and your health is very important don’t take it for granted.

One of the most annoying things with being chronically ill is tomorrow or next month or next year I would wake up and be totally healthy and that not knowing is the hardest thing. So right now I decide in this very moment to LIVE for the moment! I choose to be content. If I want to play with makeup today I decide to. If I want to go to Ulta or the bookstore with my walker and my mom I decide to. If I want to sing today I decide to. If I want to create a YouTube video today I decide to. If I want to go outside I decide to. Do you understand the pattern we HAVE the ABILITY to make our own decisions and that is sooo POWERFUL.

I know you can’t choose what happens to you but you can choose how react to it and sometimes that can be more powerful than the circumstances.

I wrote this 2 years ago and it’s even more true today.

Love, T

Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger

2 years on June 26th 2019

Teresa Love

In a few hours, it will be 2 years of being sick. 2 years of weakness. 2 years of identifying as disabled. 2 years of missing church. 2 years of waiting for this illness to just go away. 2 years of being mostly stuck at home. 2 years of being dizzy 24/7. 2 years of handling it all.

In a few hours, it will be 2 years of being chronically ill. Although it’s been tough and not fun at all. I have learned so much.

I have learned how to handle things differently. I have learned that saying no to someone doesn’t mean you are disappointing them. I have learned to stand on my own feet even if I am wobbly. I have learned to be grateful for the little things in life. To celebrate the tiny accomplishments. And most of all don’t let your anxiety get the best of you and try not to be a perfectionist. I have learned to trust God in every situation and no problem is too small to bring it to Him. I have learned to be happy for the people around me even if I can’t enjoy what they get to do. I have learned to do whatever I can do to help my symptoms within reasons, and make decisions based on the way that causes the least amount of stress because with my illness stress can make my symptoms worse. I have learned that I am the only person who is in my body until someone walks in my shoes I just take their opinion and ideas lightly. I have learned to be grateful and content even if my day feels unproductive. I have learned to not be so hard on myself. I have learned that we all have paths and seasons in life that are difficult to manage and with a good support system, God, and confidence in yourself you can do it.

Thank you for following my journey!!!