Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger

Emotions

I think it’s interesting how much your emotions can change from one second to the next. At one moment you’re feeling okay and content and the next you can feel so distraught or sad and you don’t know why.

I understand it is my depression but I still feel like it’s such an abnormal feeling in my body. I’m the girl who is smiling because she’s happy. The girl who cheers other people up. But now I’m the girl whose sad. I’m the girl whose tired of feeling sick all the time. Who has all these emotions and she’s writing because she doesn’t know how to get them out.

I’ve always pulled my strength from God. I was doing a Bible study the other day with my mom and there was a part that said “ Happiness is dependent on what happens – our circumstances. Joy is far deeper and is not so dependent on our outward circumstances. It is a blessing from God. Joy is the characteristic of an encounter with Jesus.” I feel like this really speaks to how I feel. Even if I feel emotionally sad it doesn’t mean I have lost the JOY and HOPE we can find in Jesus.

Love, T

Health Journey

Can You Trust?

I came across a post on Instagram of a fellow Spoonie today. She was showing her painting that she has been working on, it made me smile.

When I was first diagnosed with CFS/ME the doctor told me that it happens to woman between the age of 20 and 30, perfectionists, driven, and creative.

Well that’s me…

When I first heard that it honestly freaked me out like “should I have not pushed myself so hard?” “Could I have changed my path?” “And why did this happen to me?”

Growing up we are told to “do our best, try hardest, and never settle for mediocrity.” I always heard these phrases growing up and thought “yes I can do this, I may not be the smartest in school but I will always work my butt off “Could this be why I am sick?” All this pushing and striving for perfection?”

These thoughts go through my mind more often than not I would haven to admit. But I need to remember is they are just thoughts and it only matters what I do NEXT. Do I let these thoughts control my mind and body and let it control how I feel emotionally?

I don’t believe any of this! I know there is a big, huge, unbelievable plan for me. God is always here. Even in my darkest moments God is there hugging me.

In the world we always want to find the reason WHY. Why did your friend get sick? Where does cancer come from? Why does this happen to people? What will happen after we die, like I know Heaven but what Is it really like? Why is there violence and hate in this world? The truth is the ONLY one who know is God. He knows every single plan, moment, and person.

All we can do is trust in the Lord with all of our hearts. And I know that’s is to say and hard to do but I have learned through thick and thin, through negative and positive moments, through losing friends and making new ones God is ALWAYS there. And we need to trust in HIM wholeheartedly. Not for just this second, but every single second after that and with EVERYTHING.

So I ask you? Can you trust God wholeheartedly?

christian

My Faith Binder

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On Pinterest I have seen a lot of versions of the Prayer Binder or War Binder or what I want to call it a Faith Binder.

My Faith binder is this journal that lets me feel organized while growing closer to God. When we go through life and feel lost dealing with everything, for me to be anchored in Christ makes a huge difference. To have that constant relationship going with God through prayer, reading His word, and allowing God to take control. This gives me a peace beyond understanding or circumstance. I wanted to have something that was all in one place my notes, my gratitude, prayers, requests, verses, and goals. And it’s super easy to make!

Binder – 4 x 7 inches

Inserts- Cardstock paper cut to size and 6 whole punched.

Dividers – Blessings, Verses, Notes, Prayers, requests, and Goals. You could also base it more on prayer have dividers for spouse, kids, parents, church, etc…

Pens – gel pens, sharpie fine tip, paper mate colored pens.

Step 1: buy binder take out any paper you don’t need.

Step 2: find cardstock you want to use print or solid.

Step 3: cut card stock into 4×7 or less and punch wholes using 6 whole punch.

Step 4: according to color choose dividers and names.

Step 5: place dividers in Binder with paper.

DONE!

I used colored paper “gives it a little something don’t you think?” – legally blonde

Health Journey

Decisions

It’s funny how we can procrastinate when we know we need to do something that we just don’t want to do. Or wish the problem hopefully goes away. Like when we are supposed to be losing weight or eating healthy and just because we have to, we choose not to.

Today I am so exhausted.  I did not sleep well last night because I was worrying about an appointment, and once it was over I was so tired from all the anxiety and stress that went along with preparing for the appointment. I know I need to nap, but I really just don’t want to. And if I don’t want to do something, believe me, I really won’t do it.

I sometimes pride myself in being able to decide what I want to do and I don’t let myself get pushed into anything.  I never give in to peer pressure. If it’s a really serious thing, I need to do (like when I needed back surgery for scoliosis) I did what I needed to to prepare and forged ahead.

Now today, I kept telling my mom that I was tired. So she said, “Do I need to take you in the car, so that you can fall asleep like when you were little”? That just made me smile and laugh. Threw me back to a time when life was just easier. I didn’t have this illness. I didn’t have fear at all. I didn’t have to worry about relationships or money problems. I could just be a child.

There is a bible verse that says “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man (woman), I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

1 Corinthians 13:11 NIV

It was much simpler when we were children, running around outside, finger painting and not caring about the mess, eating whatever you wanted, meeting new friends at the grocery store. Now we are adults and we may have put away childish things, minus things we still like (Disney movies).

I think it’s totally fine to think about the past and the easier times in life as long as it makes you smile and you move on, continuing to move forward to the present and into the future.

Health Journey

Let Go, Let God

We are just moving through life with good things happening. But then something comes up, interrupts our lives, whether it’s a change you weren’t expecting, a death in the family, an illness, an accident, losing a job, or moving. We are just going along “skipping through the tulips,” when all of the sudden BAM! And it’s very easy to drown in self pity.

This can create a situational depression, the feeling of hopelessness, sadness, worthlessness, and overall negative emotions. I am not afraid to say I have struggled with all of that before and am currently still working at it each day.

When your life changes in the blink of an eye it tends to hit you hard. That’s how I felt when my life went from “living my best life”, to not having the ability to do any of the things I used to do let alone get out of the house. My chronic illnesses really interrupted my life…but does it have to be an interruption? What if it could be just a whole other path to take?

Often, when life is going good it’s easy to push God to the backseat of your car and say “I’m good, just living my life.” Then when a crisis occurs, it’s hard to let God steer when He is stuck in the backseat. I have always given God the wheel and have trusted Him to take me wherever He wants and have tried not to be a backseat driver. That’s why I love the Carrie Underwood song “Jesus Take the Wheel.”

When that illness, fear, accident, negative situation happens, you are armed with the Holy Spirit to fight your battles not for you but WITH you. I do struggle with depression and sadness through all this illness, but each day I am working through it, getting the help I need, and letting God use me in any way I can even if it’s just through this blog.