Tag: relationships

Health Journey

Can You Trust?

Teresa Love

I came across a post on Instagram of a fellow Spoonie today. She was showing her painting that she has been working on, it made me smile.

When I was first diagnosed with CFS/ME the doctor told me that it happens to woman between the age of 20 and 30, perfectionists, driven, and creative.

Well that’s me…

When I first heard that it honestly freaked me out like “should I have not pushed myself so hard?” “Could I have changed my path?” “And why did this happen to me?”

Growing up we are told to “do our best, try hardest, and never settle for mediocrity.” I always heard these phrases growing up and thought “yes I can do this, I may not be the smartest in school but I will always work my butt off “Could this be why I am sick?” All this pushing and striving for perfection?”

These thoughts go through my mind more often than not I would haven to admit. But I need to remember is they are just thoughts and it only matters what I do NEXT. Do I let these thoughts control my mind and body and let it control how I feel emotionally?

I don’t believe any of this! I know there is a big, huge, unbelievable plan for me. God is always here. Even in my darkest moments God is there hugging me.

In the world we always want to find the reason WHY. Why did your friend get sick? Where does cancer come from? Why does this happen to people? What will happen after we die, like I know Heaven but what Is it really like? Why is there violence and hate in this world? The truth is the ONLY one who know is God. He knows every single plan, moment, and person.

All we can do is trust in the Lord with all of our hearts. And I know that’s is to say and hard to do but I have learned through thick and thin, through negative and positive moments, through losing friends and making new ones God is ALWAYS there. And we need to trust in HIM wholeheartedly. Not for just this second, but every single second after that and with EVERYTHING.

So I ask you? Can you trust God wholeheartedly?

Good to know

Stop and Believe

Teresa Love

I sit here scrolling through Instagram and I see so many people “living their best life.” They are going on vacations, visiting friends and family, posing in front of cute walls, dancing, and just enjoying their lives.

Instagram is supposed to be a positive thing in society, by definition it’s a social networking service for taking, changing, sharing photographs and videos.

It was so cool when it first came out and I was so exciting to start using it! But how many girls are out there scrolling through pictures and wishing and seeing all the things they will never have, be able to do, or look like. On average we send one hour on Instagram each day, so much that now they have started tracking our time on it.

When you are constantly flooded with “perfect” images especially for girls it really makes us compare ourselves. And some verified users with the little blue check like celebrities, big influencers, and singers are meant to look “perfect.” The whole my Instagram colors need to match and my aesthetic needs to be on point. Those people work so hard on just that part of your business with the Instagram pictures and I am sure that some even hire someone for exactly that reason.

This is why we need to STOP COMPARING ourselves. We can’t all be that stick figure model. We can’t all have tons and tons of followers. But what we can be is our own selves. YOU are AMAZING! Just the way God made you, “you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” – Psalm 139:14

Stop thinking you need to change.

Stop thinking you aren’t right.

Stop thinking you are not pretty.

Stop focusing on looks.

Stop believing the lie you need to be perfect.

Stop fighting against your own true self.

Stop blending in.

Stop tell yourself your not worth it.

Just STOP!

And BELIEVE!

Believe you are amazing!

Believe you are talented!

Believe you are free!

Believe you are enough!

Believe in yourself!

Believe you can have confidence!

Believe you are here for a reason!

Just try to remember all of this as you scroll through Instagram, it was a good reminder for me too.

Health Journey

On June 26th A Year

Teresa Love

Today marks a year.

A year of being sick.

A year of feeling alone.

A year of people not understanding what I’m going through.

A year of willing and wishing to get better and each day it stays the same.

A year of prayer to get better and for something good to come out of it.

A year of tears and crying sessions.

A year of planning things and then having to cancel because I am still sick.

A year of having to stop going to church.

It’s been a whole year. I am not normally a person who remembers dates but I do have a few in my life that really stick out. Christmas: December 25th, My birthday: October 21st, My cancer diagnosis day: October 18th, and the day my episode started last year: June 26th.

This day, June 26th, has been on my mind for a while now. I kept putting goals in place. Last July I was thinking, “I will totally be better by my birthday in October.” Then I wasn’t. Christmas is in 2 months, “I have to be better by then.” Again it didn’t happen. These “goals” made me feel like a failure, like I couldn’t “make myself better.” Like my faith wasn’t strong enough to get me through this difficult time. “I can’t be sick for another month this is crazy,” I kept telling myself. I was almost in a dazed state of confusion that this was still happening.

Then my episode hit the 6 month mark and I was so ready for it to be over. By this time I had been away from church for 6 months, hadn’t been able to leave the house much, finished all the Netflix shows I could think of, and was just ready to “start my life again.” Start my life again? That implies that I stopped living when I got sick. I “died.”

But I DIDN’T die, I am still here. I am still breathing.

Sure, my life looks very different than it used to. But I can use my mind in anyway I want and I CHOOSE to make my own decisions. If I want to be artistic, I can. If I want to text my friends, I can. If I want to tell my mom a long, step by step story of exactly what happened in the show I am currently watching, I can. The bottom line is I can’t control what gets thrown at me but I can control the outcome. If I am too tired to do something one day then I can choose to do it  another day.

It’s all about decisions. As much as we think our days are all mapped out, I am here to say they are not. Even someone who works everyday doesn’t know if something will happen and they can’t go to work that next day. We never know.

That’s why for my life I choose to live in the PRESENT. I base my decisions on the now, and not push and hope looking at the future because in all honesty I don’t have that luxury right now.

Live in the Present.

Health Journey

Let Go, Let God

Teresa Love

We are just moving through life with good things happening. But then something comes up, interrupts our lives, whether it’s a change you weren’t expecting, a death in the family, an illness, an accident, losing a job, or moving. We are just going along “skipping through the tulips,” when all of the sudden BAM! And it’s very easy to drown in self pity.

This can create a situational depression, the feeling of hopelessness, sadness, worthlessness, and overall negative emotions. I am not afraid to say I have struggled with all of that before and am currently still working at it each day.

When your life changes in the blink of an eye it tends to hit you hard. That’s how I felt when my life went from “living my best life”, to not having the ability to do any of the things I used to do let alone get out of the house. My chronic illnesses really interrupted my life…but does it have to be an interruption? What if it could be just a whole other path to take?

Often, when life is going good it’s easy to push God to the backseat of your car and say “I’m good, just living my life.” Then when a crisis occurs, it’s hard to let God steer when He is stuck in the backseat. I have always given God the wheel and have trusted Him to take me wherever He wants and have tried not to be a backseat driver. That’s why I love the Carrie Underwood song “Jesus Take the Wheel.”

When that illness, fear, accident, negative situation happens, you are armed with the Holy Spirit to fight your battles not for you but WITH you. I do struggle with depression and sadness through all this illness, but each day I am working through it, getting the help I need, and letting God use me in any way I can even if it’s just through this blog.

Health Journey

You Are Not Alone

Teresa Love

Being chronically sick you often feel alone.

Your friends are going out, moving on with their days, weeks, and months. As my dad would say when I was younger “Girl, you are outta sight, outta mind.”  I knew it wasn’t a particular friend not wanting to be my friend it was just easier for them to go on with their lives when I wasn’t around.

That’s pretty much how it feels when I am sick. I KNOW my friends care about me so much, but it’s easier for them to think of me when I am around. I understand.

I think I am alone…and then a cute little furry friend surprises me and jumps onto my recliner. Yes, that my Bella. She’s a 8 pound Yorkshire Terrier. And a blessing from God. We found her at the perfect time. But that’s a whole other story. God knew I needed her in my life.

There’s that saying, “It’s a dog’s life.” People used to refer to that as if to say a dog’s life is a very hard life. But to me it’s the opposite. My dog lays around all day. The best part is that she lays with me. Wherever I am, she is.  If I am on the couch, she is laying on my feet. If I am in my bed, she is curled up right next to my body. If I am in my recliner she lays on the foot of it or under the foot rest. Lol. If she hears her dog friends outside she will go and bark and visit them but then no matter what she always comes back. She never leaves me.

This is a great example of how God is, He never leaves us. If we are in the deepest, saddest place He will be with us there too. If we pull away with all our human might, He will come find us. He is the shepherd and we are his lambs.

I think often when we are upset we feel like God is not there or He doesn’t get near such pain, like He is too holy to be near me when I am in such a dark place. But that’s NOT the case at all when we are in are deepest sadness He is there holding us, comforting us.

That is a great mental picture to think of when you feel alone. It really helps. He meets us where we are. Just as Bella is my support/therapy dog she is always comforting me. If I am feeling really sick she knows and gets closer and closer to me. If I am crying she nudges forward until she she reaches my crying face. Just her happy little self makes me smile when I look at her.

Puppies are the best medicine, like babies. Even when she is laying cute we are always like “aww she’s adorable.” She is very special to me and completes our family.

Therefore I know I am not alone because I have God and my support dog Bella with me always. When you feel lonely try to distract yourself. I play with my dog or color with music on and really just try to relax. You can too. Find your own “Bella” and find comfort in yourself, God, and the people who are there for you.