I just have been feeling lately that I don’t want Christmas to end. Christmas isn’t just about the one day. It’s about the JOY of the season. It’s that cheerful smile that spreads across your face. It’s the excitement and feeling leading up to the birth of Jesus.
As a child it was all about the presents what will I get and how many. But honestly as I get older it’s more and more about family and loved ones around me. Do I still like the presents “oh yes!” I still get quite excited but I understand the true meaning.
This is why I am planning to keep my decorations up for a while, still listen to Christmas music, and watch Christmas movies.
I want to JOY to last longer I wasn’t to feel the feeling for longer. I want to just feel comforted and hugged. This holiday is very special and I want it to have a very long moment. Haven’t we all had enough sadness these last few years?
But three kings day is later anyway so I can keep my stuff up until then.
This was going out without my walker and it felt amazing
Some things I have been struggling with through this wellness journey I am on. If I’m not as sick as I was and don’t need a mobility aid to walk am I still identified as disabled? Like I think I am because I still need to rest a lot and there are definitely times when I’m out with bf or parent that I need something extra like sit down while we are shopping.
I used to be scared to say I was disabled. Like by saying those words it meant it was a forget thing and I gave up trying to get better. But that’s not the case at all. I can be disabled and still live a thriving life.
Just my thoughts, for today. Anyone who is disabled. I send good thoughts, prayers, and many spoons to you! 💕🥄🥄🥄💕
“If you stumble, make it part of the dance.” – Unknown
“She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings.” – Ariana Dancu
“I don’t want my pain and struggle to make me a victim. I want my battle to make me someone else’s hero.” – Unknown
“Resting is not laziness, it’s medicine!”
“When the unthinkable happens, the lighthouse is hope. Once we choose hope, everything is possible.” – Christopher Reeve
“If opening your eyes, or getting out of bed, or holding a spoon, or combing your hair is the daunting Mount Everest you climb today, that is okay.” – Carmen Ambrosio
Recovery its not an ugly word. It is the word that “means a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” or “he action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.”
This word recovery is often used when someone is recovering from something whether it’s an addiction or a short health related thing. But what do you do when your health condition has effected every single aspect of your life? You can’t think or walk without it saying, “I’m here.”
My life has been been just like this. But we aren’t here to say “poor me,” because in my opinion saying those words doesn’t help you live the best life that I believe we deserve.
So about 6 months ago, I made the decision to get the covid 19 Pfizer shot. After having a really weird body and knowing I could have the rare reactions, I took a leap of faith and got it. We won’t talk about how long I waited in a car line for it….but after 4 days of feeling sick flu like feelings as the days continue and a month went by I started to notice more and more changes.
I felt energy not a ton but some. I felt like I wanted to do more. In could sit up for longer periods of time without triggering my symptoms. Instead of 5 minutes I could sit up for 10 minutes. One day I realized I could leave my walker in a room and just walk around the house without holding on to things to keep my balance. My mom, dog, and I started walking outside. These changes started slow and there was definitely a part of me that was afraid to believe because if I did believe and say the words “I am on the road to recovery,’ what if something changed and I was but to being very very sick again stagnant in my life.
Now fast-forward to now November of 2021. I have been walking without my walker for over 4 months now. I have a niece my first one and I’m an auntie. I can hold the baby and walk around. I can get down on the floor and lay her on her mat. I can babysit and go for walks in the hills of the city with my sister, mom, and baby. This has been such a wonderful light in my life. The constant baby smiles we see her once a week and facetime a lot with the baby.
I have a boyfriend. He’s amazing. the most caring, funny, and honestly the most genuine guy. I have been able to go out on dates. Like actually leave my house get dressed up and go out. This is such a huge thing for me, I was actually nervous that no one would want to try to date me with all the things that come along with it but this guy sure is one of a kind.
There is a lot of benefits of the stages of recovery I am in now. As I’m sure you can tell my mood is even happier. But there will ups and downs and rest days and really tired days and not feeling good days but the good thing is after I rest it doesn’t seem to last like before. YAY!!!!!!
Something amazing happens!? It’s really cool. Haha that reminds me of when I used to watch The Wild Thornberries and she’d say “she could talk to animals but it’s totally secret.”
June 26th 2021 marks 4 years straight of being chronically ill. Barely leaving the house, using mobility aids whether it’s my walker or wheelchair, and watching my life fly by while I’m stuck staying reclined almost 24/7 in my chair.
I don’t even know when this started but for a few months now I started feeling better. First I could walk without my walker for like 20 mins and I was amazed. Then I felt more strength in my legs from all the movement my doctors have me doing. Then I started to be able to sit up for longer periods 10 mins to 2 hours now. Now I can walk without my walker most days and do a lot more. Now to figure out life but that will be another post. Lol
Honesty it’s so FREAKIN amazing. Like feeling better, having energy and motivation to do more is so great.
But what I forget about sometimes is I’m still sick. There’s no cure for my condition so I may get to a functioning level, but I will still need to rest. And honestly I’m okay with that. At first I was like doing all these things each day and then I’d get to day 8 and be exhausted and sad. But now I understand that I need rest days, hours, and minutes.
So when I start to feel tired or worn down I just have to remember self care is important and resting takes priority over anything else.
I’m a booktuber and a Bookstagrammer. For those of you who don’t know what Booksta is it’s using Instagram for only the book community you post about books and it’s a lovely community. I’ve been able to review ARCS (advanced readers copy) of books, I’ve been able to support my friends on there, and grow my reading tastes. And Booktube is the book community on YouTube.
If you are a creator you will understand. When you create a product that you have worked so hard on you expect to get a good amount of good feedback. Well with Instagram the dumb algorithm decided to punish you for not doing reels (it’s literally copying tik tok), not liking and sharing enough photos, and hiding your pictures under the hashtags.
It’s just so frustrating. You work hard and you really enjoy for your photos. You even feel like you’re growing and changing your theme of your account is getting better. Then you get under 50 likes which with 1800 followers that’s INSANE.
Yes, it’s not all about the numbers. It’s about the community, the creative outlet, and expression. But when you see those numbers getting lower and lower and you post every single day it’s discouraging.
So here’s my shameless plug…I have a YouTube channel and a Bookstagram feel free to check them out.
Teresa Love 
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