Tag: chronic fatigue

Health Journey

Taking a Flight Without Anxiety

Teresa Love
Me on the airplane ✈️

After 7 years of dealing with my chronic fatigue off and on and then 4 years straight of it 24/7. I was finally able to do something I’ve wanted to do for so long.

My mom and I decided to just plan a trip to go visit our family friends in Spokane Washington. we had to fly since it would be an easier trip than driving.

There was definitely some fear and anxiety surrounding it 1) going to airport 2) going through TSA and 3) being on an airplane again. All the unknowns are the ones that tend to trigger my anxiety. Will I be okay in the drive there? Will I get sick while going through security like before? Will I not be able to sit up during the flight?

I’m HAPPY to say “I made it through it all.”

My wonderful boyfriend drove us to the airport which really helped my anxiety cause he distracted me on the way there talking and listening to music.

Then we were all loaded up wearing my backpack and my mom and I walked into the airport.

As we got closer and close to the security line I was getting nervous. But I kept saying “it’s okay, you’ve done it so many time before.” Trying to reassure myself. I read all the signs to make sure I didn’t have anything I wasn’t allowed.

I showed my Real ID (glad I had that!) and moved toward the security. This part kinda went into sonic speed, because next I walked up to the buckets put bag and shoes in it took our iPad and put it in the tote. There was a couple in front of us who didn’t seem to know what they were doing cause they were going too slow. But my heart rate stayed calm. Then I walked through the big machine stood there for 5 seconds with arms up, which I would have never been able to go before.

As I stepped out they stopped me and a lady with gloves started to pat down my chest and asked “is there anything in there?” And I said “just my boobs and bra.” We had a good laugh 😂 I got stopped before I have the pole in my back so the machine must have notified them. Then continued walking out everything back on and picked up everything and moved forward.

You have no idea how AMAZING it feels to 1) walk through security on your own 2) feel confident and “normal.” And 3) not feel like you were going to cause a scene or pass out.

This was definitely a really awesome milestone today! Did I still get sick on the airplane yes it was like car sick feeling. But we walked around before the flight and I was able to function walk to the bathroom alone.

I still don’t know how long this energy will last, but for now I am thankful and really enjoying the ride.

Love, T

Health Journey

Disability Day

Teresa Love

Happy Disability Day!!

This was going out without my walker and it felt amazing

Some things I have been struggling with through this wellness journey I am on. If I’m not as sick as I was and don’t need a mobility aid to walk am I still identified as disabled? Like I think I am because I still need to rest a lot and there are definitely times when I’m out with bf or parent that I need something extra like sit down while we are shopping.

I used to be scared to say I was disabled. Like by saying those words it meant it was a forget thing and I gave up trying to get better. But that’s not the case at all. I can be disabled and still live a thriving life.

Just my thoughts, for today. Anyone who is disabled. I send good thoughts, prayers, and many spoons to you! 💕🥄🥄🥄💕

Love, T

Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger

Emotions

Teresa Love

I think it’s interesting how much your emotions can change from one second to the next. At one moment you’re feeling okay and content and the next you can feel so distraught or sad and you don’t know why.

I understand it is my depression but I still feel like it’s such an abnormal feeling in my body. I’m the girl who is smiling because she’s happy. The girl who cheers other people up. But now I’m the girl whose sad. I’m the girl whose tired of feeling sick all the time. Who has all these emotions and she’s writing because she doesn’t know how to get them out.

I’ve always pulled my strength from God. I was doing a Bible study the other day with my mom and there was a part that said “ Happiness is dependent on what happens – our circumstances. Joy is far deeper and is not so dependent on our outward circumstances. It is a blessing from God. Joy is the characteristic of an encounter with Jesus.” I feel like this really speaks to how I feel. Even if I feel emotionally sad it doesn’t mean I have lost the JOY and HOPE we can find in Jesus.

Love, T

Health Journey

Can You Trust?

Teresa Love

I came across a post on Instagram of a fellow Spoonie today. She was showing her painting that she has been working on, it made me smile.

When I was first diagnosed with CFS/ME the doctor told me that it happens to woman between the age of 20 and 30, perfectionists, driven, and creative.

Well that’s me…

When I first heard that it honestly freaked me out like “should I have not pushed myself so hard?” “Could I have changed my path?” “And why did this happen to me?”

Growing up we are told to “do our best, try hardest, and never settle for mediocrity.” I always heard these phrases growing up and thought “yes I can do this, I may not be the smartest in school but I will always work my butt off “Could this be why I am sick?” All this pushing and striving for perfection?”

These thoughts go through my mind more often than not I would haven to admit. But I need to remember is they are just thoughts and it only matters what I do NEXT. Do I let these thoughts control my mind and body and let it control how I feel emotionally?

I don’t believe any of this! I know there is a big, huge, unbelievable plan for me. God is always here. Even in my darkest moments God is there hugging me.

In the world we always want to find the reason WHY. Why did your friend get sick? Where does cancer come from? Why does this happen to people? What will happen after we die, like I know Heaven but what Is it really like? Why is there violence and hate in this world? The truth is the ONLY one who know is God. He knows every single plan, moment, and person.

All we can do is trust in the Lord with all of our hearts. And I know that’s is to say and hard to do but I have learned through thick and thin, through negative and positive moments, through losing friends and making new ones God is ALWAYS there. And we need to trust in HIM wholeheartedly. Not for just this second, but every single second after that and with EVERYTHING.

So I ask you? Can you trust God wholeheartedly?

Health Journey

On June 26th A Year

Teresa Love

Today marks a year.

A year of being sick.

A year of feeling alone.

A year of people not understanding what I’m going through.

A year of willing and wishing to get better and each day it stays the same.

A year of prayer to get better and for something good to come out of it.

A year of tears and crying sessions.

A year of planning things and then having to cancel because I am still sick.

A year of having to stop going to church.

It’s been a whole year. I am not normally a person who remembers dates but I do have a few in my life that really stick out. Christmas: December 25th, My birthday: October 21st, My cancer diagnosis day: October 18th, and the day my episode started last year: June 26th.

This day, June 26th, has been on my mind for a while now. I kept putting goals in place. Last July I was thinking, “I will totally be better by my birthday in October.” Then I wasn’t. Christmas is in 2 months, “I have to be better by then.” Again it didn’t happen. These “goals” made me feel like a failure, like I couldn’t “make myself better.” Like my faith wasn’t strong enough to get me through this difficult time. “I can’t be sick for another month this is crazy,” I kept telling myself. I was almost in a dazed state of confusion that this was still happening.

Then my episode hit the 6 month mark and I was so ready for it to be over. By this time I had been away from church for 6 months, hadn’t been able to leave the house much, finished all the Netflix shows I could think of, and was just ready to “start my life again.” Start my life again? That implies that I stopped living when I got sick. I “died.”

But I DIDN’T die, I am still here. I am still breathing.

Sure, my life looks very different than it used to. But I can use my mind in anyway I want and I CHOOSE to make my own decisions. If I want to be artistic, I can. If I want to text my friends, I can. If I want to tell my mom a long, step by step story of exactly what happened in the show I am currently watching, I can. The bottom line is I can’t control what gets thrown at me but I can control the outcome. If I am too tired to do something one day then I can choose to do it  another day.

It’s all about decisions. As much as we think our days are all mapped out, I am here to say they are not. Even someone who works everyday doesn’t know if something will happen and they can’t go to work that next day. We never know.

That’s why for my life I choose to live in the PRESENT. I base my decisions on the now, and not push and hope looking at the future because in all honesty I don’t have that luxury right now.

Live in the Present.